Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You are the jesus of drinking
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
