i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize