I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
