can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His nipple licking is glorious
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