I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize