worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
