she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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