i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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