he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
