i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
