I could make wine with my vomit
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
