I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize