I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
