I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
