my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
