She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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