My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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