I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
