They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
