Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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