the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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