the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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