I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
