at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Help. Why am I so naked?
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