I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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