I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
