Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can text with my tongue
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
