Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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