i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
