how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
