His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
