I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
