good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
