True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Shame - the story of my life.
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