Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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