I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
