I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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