How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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