Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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