love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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