Whod you bang
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
