the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
