See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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