I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
