Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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