I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
