sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
