I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
