fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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