1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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