i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
