Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
