why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
