So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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