Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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