the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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