Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
