Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
