I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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