I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
