Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
