Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
