I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
