I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Pants are for mortals
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
