i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
