you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
