I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
