I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
