I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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