Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Randomize
