just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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