hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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